The Rescue Mission (please refer to 2 previous posts)
EMMA, who's driving the rescue vehicle; a fully loaded Winnebago (due to the high cost of gasoline, EMMA has been asked to fill the tank at her own expense);
BLEU DOG, who is in charge of ammunition & supplies. She has loaded supersoakers with beer & wine and has setup her guitar & amp in the back of the camper;
MADELENE, an ex-Navy Seal;
and CITY MOUSE. We have no idea what her contribution could be. In fact she had to payoff the station to be included.
We have fitted the Winnebago with cameras & microphones to give you a live blogcast of the mission:
(EMMA and CITY MOUSE are headed north in the Winnebago to pick up BLEU DOG & MADELENE. They are in contact with COUNTRY MOUSE via a spy-style wiretap)
CITY MOUSE: Yes, I hear you, Country Mouse! How's that bump on your head? There's liquor and WHAT in the back of the truck?
EMMA: Which exit do we want?
CITY MOUSE: I can't find Sullivan County on the map.
(EMMA glances over & rolls her eyes)
EMMA: That's because you're looking at a map of Pennsylvannia!
CITY MOUSE: Oops... What's that Country Mouse? (CITY MOUSE turns to EMMA) She heard us. She's having another beer.... Look, there's Bleu Dog!
EMMA: She told me not to stop. She's jumping in through the back door.
BLEU DOG: I only see one super soaker back there..
(City Mouse shrugs her shoulders while Bleu Dog watches her figeting with something under her long paisley skirt.)
BLEU DOG: Hey CITY MOUSE, aren't you hot in that?
CITY MOUSE: This is granola dyke camouflage. I have to blend into the crowd.
(EMMA makes a sharp turn up a dirt road. THUMP! THUMP! The road isn't smooth.)
BLEU DOG: Here comes Madelene!
(EMMA stops the camper while MADELENE hops in with a yellow object under each arm.)
MADELENE: The Winnebago Model XTC 5 handled the dirt speed bumps nicely!
EMMA: Do you ever take customers up here to test drive SUV's?
(BLEU DOG examines what MADELENE is now holding in each hand.)
BLEU DOG: Why are you bringing your rubber ducks?
MADELENE: They're my secret weapons.
CITY MOUSE: (speaking into a microphone) Hey Country Mouse, I hear a lot of noise on your end, are you okay? I'm putting you on speaker.
COUNTRY MOUSE: Yeah, I'm good. After two beers I realized how easy it is to knit. There's tons of yarn in here. Just trying to keep busy. (COUNTRY MOUSE starts whispering) One of them just got in the truck with me. NO! She has the plaid...
EMMA: Sounds like they're fitting her with the lumber jack shirt.
MADELENE: NO! She's allergic to plaid! It weakens her powers - its like Kryptonite!
EMMA: Don't worry, we're almost there.
BLEU DOG: Here's the plan. We're driving to the line of march. When the hyper dykes see the Winnebago, they'll switch to "protest mode" and run towards us. Emma will stop the camper. Then we'll each get into position. Everybody remembers what they're doing, right??
(The other three nod.)
(EMMA is forced to stop as throngs of Orange County and Moonpower Lesbians swarm the Winnebago, pelting it with oranges.)
(CITY MOUSE grabs a stack of orange fliers and sneaks out the side door. BLEU DOG throws open the back door as EMMA puts a supersoaker over her shoulder & takes aim. BLEU DOG grabs her guitar & turns the amp all the way up.)
EMMA: Drink up girls! It's happy hour! (EMMA sprays the crowd with a fine Shiraz as they try to run away.)
(BLEU DOG strikes the first few chords of "Cat Scratch Fever". The Dykes scramble holding their ears)
BLEU DOG : No requests please!!
(CITY MOUSE spots the U-HAUL. She lures a bunch of Orange Pride Dykes away from it by handing out fliers for a Deeper Dating singles event.)
CITY MOUSE: Girls, there will be Buddist meditations AND Tarot card readings after tonight's mixer!
(With that, the girls climb over each other to get more information.)
(MADELENE makes her way to the U-HAUL, clutching her ducks.)
(CITY MOUSE pulls a supersoaker from under her paisley skirt. She rips off the skirt revealing a very short Catholic school uniform. The super soaker is loaded with "Re-elect W" pins from last year's election. The Orange Lesbians back away in horror.)
CITY MOUSE: Hey you left wing radicals! It's time to play PIN the tail on the donkey!
(CITY MOUSE shoots at the crowd and then aims at the U-Haul to provide cover for MADELENE.)
(MADELENE opens the back of the U-Haul. COUNTRY MOUSE lays lifeless on the floor, wearing a dishovled blonde wig & size 20X plaid shirt as two mean-looking dykes are forcing Timberlands on her feet. MADELENE hurls one duck that flattens one of the dykes. COUNTRY MOUSE struggles to get up. MADELENE throws the second duck but misses and hits the bump on COUNTRY MOUSE's head. She falls back down.)
(The evil Orange County lesbian starts after MADELENE. MADELENE sees CITY MOUSE)
MADELENE: Throw me your card! Quick!
(CITY MOUSE throws her 2005 Republican National Committee membership card. MADELENE catches it and throws it boomerang-style at the charging dyke. She slices her mullet. The girl goes down. MADELENE jumps into the U-Haul.)
BLEU DOG: (shouting over a Melissa Ethridge tune) You can stop now, EMMA, mission accomplished!
(COUNTRY MOUSE and MADELENE jump out of the U-HAUL. COUNTRY MOUSE has changed into a very stylish sleeveless sweater that she knitted. CITY MOUSE heads back to the camper, careful not to step on any of the Pride girls they took down.)
BLEU DOG: Lets go to Drink 'n Sink. They owe us one!
COUNTRY MOUSE: Don't we have a gig at GW's??
MADELENE: (after surveying all the downed dykes) I guess there's going to be plenty of vacancy at that camping trip.
EMMA: There's still gas in the Winnebago. Anybody want to go? Pennsylvannia isn't far.
CITY MOUSE: I have a map of Pennsylvannia!
Clairvoyant Country Mouse will be back on the air soon!